It seems to me that self-pity lurks in the space between the things we long for and the reality we live.
Often that longing is triggered by comparison to others.
I always thought of myself as fairly content. Oh, I might feel a bit curious about what it would be like to have someone else's level of beauty, talent, wealth, or success. But it didn't often tug me too persistently.
Yet recently I've found a new way that the ugly sourness of self-pity has tried to invade my thoughts. Lately I've been confronted with the comparisons between what I once had, once could do, once was - and new realities and limitations. And suddenly, attitudes that I never thought were my most prevalent temptations are gibbering at me.
Okay. It's a new challenge.
I might remember being able to take a ballet class . . . but slowly walked a mile instead. I can look at the gap between the longing and reality and feel sad or angry.
Or I can celebrate that I walked.
I dream of spring cleaning my house, but was able to do two loads of laundry. I can focus on the things still undone, or be grateful for those clean clothes.
I long for boundless energy to chat with friends, garden, write, organize, teach. But if instead I'm able to answer an email today, or compose a blog post, that is a gift.
During times of significant losses, as I've laid down things that were precious to me, I've found that God's love for me filled the empty places. My daily reality is just as rich with blessing because He is there. I want to learn to focus on that truth, instead of focusing on the gap between longing and reality.
And I suppose that's where we all do battle to live in contentment, whether we're tempted to compare to others, an ideal, or our past circumstances.
Contentment sounds like such a deceptively mellow, easy-going word. But some days it takes fierce, stubborn courage to walk in it. I'm embarrassed at how poorly I've done that recently. But I know God can change my heart.
For any of us facing a painful loss - job, relationship, ability, health, plans, purpose, circumstances - I pray for God to breathe the courage of gratitude into our hearts and keep nudging our focus back to Him.
How about you? Are you generally a pretty contented person? What tends to make contentment difficult for you? What helps you beat off the temptation of self-pity?
13 comments:
Thank you, Sharon. I'm facing a possibility of autoimmune illness, and getting up the nerve to go back to the doctor after having a bad experience a few years ago. I find your honesty and transparency encouraging. I've been miserable because I've been so incapable of doing anything around the house recently. But it's true that stepping forward just a little is a good thing, even when we imagined better things. Your reminder is perfect in timing for me. I'll call the doctor now, and trust God to work out the diagnosis for His glory.
Oh, Karenee!
Thank you for your comment. I feel for you SO MUCH.
It can be so frightening and discouraging. But I'm praying that God will draw close to you in each part of this process, and will guide your doctor appointment and protect you for further bad experiences...and that He will encourage your heart within the small things today. HUGS!!!!!
Beautiful post, beautiful heart. May the Lord create contentment as you struggle to be thankful. That's such a gift, and it will show Jesus to the world.
Beautifully said, Sharon. You are articulating for many the struggles, the questions, the longing for hope.
I pray for continued courage and increased energy for you, but also blessings in each day that bring light and reflection for more expressions such as these you shared today.
Much love to you, my friend.
I hear you too! Excellent post. When Paul said he had learned to be content in whatever circumstances he found himself, I think we gloss over the "I have LEARNED" part. That learning can be a steep, slow curve. It nearly always involves pain and loss--often betrayal as well. I wish there was another way to learn contentment, but I don't think there is. You have to usually fight hard to attain it--but oh, it's so worth it in the end. Thankfully, the Lord is willing to carry you when the going gets really rough.
Thank you for sharing, Sharon. I like your perspective that contentment sometimes takes "fierce, stubborn courage to walk in it." That's something I've been dealing with over the past few months off and on since losing our Keren. It's interesting that the "what-ifs" battle is so similar to the fight for contentment. I've had to put on my boxing gloves a few times to fight off the lies Satan throws in the guise of "what if I had..." I find I'm grasping on to God's promises as hard as I can, even when I don't FEEL them....
In February I read, it seemed like for the first time because of the way it hit, Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." It was so reassuring to realize that God would fill me with the joy and peace, and he would help me overflow with hope. I didn't have to strive for it.... But you know, I had to repeat that over and over and over...and it was at least a month before it was more than just head knowledge (and that still comes and goes). Why is that?!
Anyway, that's my ponderings.... A bit of a ramble, but all to say, I hear you!
What a lovely post. I tend to do the same thing. Eight years ago I could walk anywhere I wanted to without problems. Today, I struggle to stand. I have a horrid time of thinking back to what I once could do or what I was like because I was injured (fall down a flight of stairs). Thanks for the reminder that I should be grateful I survived the fall!
Through the Rain and Storms
Hi, Sharon. So glad that you are glowing again in print. Though my situation is, by comparison, such a small, small trial, hear you too.
But now that I am mostly (I think) on the other side, I am so amazed by how much I actually took for granted: the feel of carpet under my feet, the sway of a leafy green tree in the breeze, a hug from my little daughter Rachel, etc. Every day is filled with some opportunity, some blessing. Comparison destroys our ability to notice those blessings.
Sometimes we need to have the rain to appreciate the sun; sometimes we need the storm to appreciate the stillness.
Sounds familiar: Be still and know I am God.
Thank you to each of you for posting. I'm so overwhelmed and inspired by the example of each of you who are dealing with loss and pain and yet finding joy and contentment in the midst of it. Thank you for being warriors with tender hearts... people of both strength AND compassion.
Thank you for the beautiful expression. May the God of all comfort fill you with every comfort that you need to bless you and sustain you. You have given me so much to ponder.
I loved everyone's comments too!
Thanks so much, Sharon, for your authenticity and your heart to know God. And for your beautiful reminder to be grateful in all things. Your friendship and your words are a gift!
I find i rarely feel content on the surface: there are a hundred things I expected for my life, hoped for in my life, day-to-day and in the long run. Yet if i pause and think about the conditions of my life, I realize that for the most part, God has given me what I wanted and needed rather than what I asked for, and He and I still have time to work out the rest together.
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