Confessions of a self-absorbed writer

I want to be humble. Self-effacing. Casual about the fact that I have a novel coming out in June.

Instead, I find ways to work it into every conversation.

"That'll be $7.65 for the chips and pop, Ma'am."

"Here you go. And speaking of snacks, I need to snack a lot because I'm working on a new novel. I have a book coming out. . . "

Not only that, I've begun to obsessively check my standing on amazon.com. As soon as the book was posted I delighted in googling the title over and over.

Then I discovered the scary fact that I could see my book's ranking among all the books on amazon.com.

Mind you, the book is not available. It comes out in June, 2006. So there are no sales yet.

But I can't help it. I keep checking in on my ranking. I've crashed below one million other books by now.

You'd think the fact that there ARE a million other books listed on amazon would be enough to humble me. Instead I dream of when the book releases and people order it on amazon and I rocket up to 700,000 from the top.

Is there a "Top 700,000 List" for book sales?

Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself.

But self-absorption is no laughing matter. Self-importance is an ugly sin. It's my twisted tool to convince myself I'm valuable. . . instead of taking my value from the true place--from being a dearly loved child of God.

Lord, change my heart. Let me be absorbed in Your beauty and majesty and forget myself. Let me have Your love for others that values them above myself. Let me have the confidence that comes from knowing that I belong to You, so I don't have to measure my worth by my "To Do" list. Oh, and Lord . . . have I mentioned I have a book coming out? . . .